"Peace and Love, Over and Out"

Decided I've had enough of this now, moving on to bigger and better things.

http://jordanroseloveless.tumblr.com

bare with me, it's gunna take a while to get used to it :) follow meeeee
xxxx

"so much love"

I've been distant, but i'm so focused on my course right now. I just want to succeed in everything I do, it's like a hunger that won't leave me.
.x

"Note to self"

I'm stronger than most of you put together, you have no idea.


.x

" In the making"

finally figuring what you want out of life is the best, but this isn't exactly fulfilled just yet.
I've finally made a conclusion on what university course I'm going to take and narrowed it down to just a couple of university's now.


I just can't stand decisions, I put my whole heart into something then part of me sways in the other direction making me changing my mind,. I find it so odd how one simple decision could just put everything in a different proportion. Is life based on fate or is it all just one big coincidence? I liked to think fate, but that's my optimism just kicking in. 


Slight change of thought, but anger is such a horrid emotion. Lately this feeling follows me like a shadow some days more than other yet it's just this constant feeling that snaps any minute.
.x

"If there is no struggle, there is no progress."

I've stopped with all my wallowing in self pity and I'm back on track again,life is just a little beautiful gem.
Basically I just can't stop dancing around my room to music that makes you feel invincible and all I can think about is Paris. My last few posts, including this one have been pretty pointless so I do apologise. I'll write something that's worth reading oh so soon.


.x

"Wait a minute"

changed my mind i'm so silly to mope around so i'll just say


fuck off ,to you instead.
ahhhh that's better, now where's the party at?
Oh and as soon as pay day comes next week, guess what? i'm treating myself to new shoes, because I freaking deserve them.


p.s. I need to get back into dancing or singing, I'm just becoming like the rest, boring. 

"The way it should be"

words aren't enough to even describe my feelings any more. I just feel like an easter egg, yeah I have this hard outer exterior, yet on the inside, there is nothing there any more. I'm just hollow.


I'm going to stop writing in this, my head hurts and this constant feeling of sick in the bottom of my stomach is starting to get to me.
So bed, tea and shitty films that I don't even want to watch is going to be the way forward for the next couple of weeks. 


I'm nothing more, than a line in your book. 

"I just hope that you miss me a little when i'm gone"

i wish you'd stop pushing away the people that care about you the most, shame you've lost one now.

I'm going to Paris in December, It will be beautiful, the gallery's, the shop windows, the food and drink, the architecture and the men. This trip is all that matters to me right now.

.x

“Nothing that is worth knowing can be taught."

Pretty sick of people pretending to be someone they're clearly not and this constant need people have to impress. Why, can't you just appreciate yourself for you as an individual and not crave this need to seek attention.
I'm always content when I'm 100% myself, to some extent we all make an effort I mean what would we live for?but it's just this attitude that life is one huge competition, it really isn't the only person you should ever seek to impress is yourself.


I'm starting to realise and you to maybe with my last couple of posts, that I need to think about myself for once. I care a ridiculous amount for others tending to put their feeling before my own, I've just grown tired of this because I never get back what I dish out. Mummy says "It's not about giving to receive" I know she's right, but if the feelings not mutual when caring, seriously what is the point? I haven't been put on this planet to get kicked to the curb I assure you.


So it's time to put me first for once, if you think it's selfish so be it, but you should know me well enough.
I've been given a huge puzzle and I'm just beginning to fit the pieces together. Things seem distant and blurry, but for once I like it.


I need to know people read this, actually comment on this when you've read it. Oh and I add everything always happens for a reason, just remember that
.x

"A change of heart"

Not really feeling a huge post just gunna say ceeeeeeeeeeb
Your main priority in life should be you, so it's  gunna be all about me, myself and I,  just the way it should be.


i really want a mac and a holiday and some new beautiful shoes. Don't tell me that was awful grammar, I already know
.x

"I can't tell you what it really is, I can only tell you what it feels like"

emptiness and a loss of hope. that is all.
x

"Sometimes I feel like Alice, in a wonderland chasing rabbits, cheshire cats and mad hatters, a better world well it don't really matter"

I went as alice in wonderland to a fancy dress party last night but if I'm honest I wasn't just playing dress up. I'm living in my own fantasy land at the moment, I can't seem to escape but then I don't really want to.
x

"Time it was and what a time it was"

I'm sick and tired not sure what of but I can feel it in the pit of my stomach. I feel like nothings keeping me going any more. It's the final week and everyone's leaving for university, makes me feel pretty empty and with the new college and all I've never felt so alone and out of my comfort zone in my life. 


Tonight's my friends leaving party, You know I hate goodbyes, I've already said this. I just keep looking back on all the good memories and replaying them in my head like a flip book. I'm tempted to make one of these if I'm honest. The covie girls have now grown up and we've gone our separate ways, but I'll always love you girls no matter how far apart or come what may. It makes me cringe when people say "I love my friends, they are my life" but the friendship us 10 girls hold I've never seen in anyone that use's this line of  utter cheddar.


I should get myself ready for more alcohol, frolics and fun oh and tears.
Today I have reminisced ridiculous amounts, I love my memories with you and even if you don't remember them, I don't mind :)
.x


cant be dealing with copy cats.

"I am here to stay"

It's strange and I'm pretty sure I've been watching 500 days of summer to much but how do you know when someone's the one, I'm probably far to young to even to question this, that never stops me though.I believe everything is far to good to be true.

Everyone seems to have a commitment within a relationship these days, how many of these last and what happens when you eventually meet the dilemma of marriage? Most parents I know are separated and there is always tension in my house, with petty fights. So how do you know, seriously? Don't just give me the answer "you just know" that's crap, you don't.

Yet the one thing I do know is that, still after all this time you are everything to me.x

My parents treat me like a puppet, if you read this let me know please

"You can't deny, you want that happy ending."

money is on my mind, I've got birthday money to spend and a lot of it, but I don't want to blow it on clothes or pointless things for my bedroom. I wanna make good use with it.I'm tempted like really tempted to take a trip to Ireland, it looks beautiful and the accent is a weak spot for me. or I wanna keep saving and buy myself a tiny studio for my art, I really need a space of my own, somewhere where I can be myself like 100%. This needs more thought than my first option.  

tell me what to do please, I need to wear my glasses more,I have a terrible headache.

.x

"All is quiet, all is quiet now"

Things feel complicated. I don't like today. There's a tense feeling in the house, no words have been uttered this morning. I know summers ended, I know my friends are leaving for university, friendships are no longer kept. "Why do all good things come to end?"


I hate hugs, but I want one right now. Tell me everything's going to be fine.
I'm a little lost.
.x

"If were both not married by 23, will you make my year and ask me"

my first legal night out was crap I've got to say it but I'm going to Bristol in an hour for the night so all is well.
This is a really short post because I'm not packed and I'm quickly running out of time, but life is beautiful I'm a happy bunny. I'll write something on Sunday when I'm hanging in bed :).x


p.s. I'm glad you're back in my life, this time please stay. x

"A man paints with his brain, not with his hands"

I'm pissed, with myself really. I gave up the one thing that meant the most to me? I must start singing again wasting 7 years isn't really worth it. I don't really wanna give up on anything, it's a feeling of failure and no one wants to fail. I've finally pushed myself to start my art journal. I got to add I hate sketchbooks, I'd rather use my creativity to make something odd and unique. My next project is making four leaf clovers seeing as there impossible to find I'll make em instead. We all need a bit of luck from time to time.
The little things are everything to me.

I made that and it's all from food 
I want to be noticed. :)
.x

"it takes somebody special to knock me off my feet and baby you've got what it takes"

Yesterday was beautiful, I simply can't stress that any more. I am beyond content at the moment and I don't think anyone will ruin this feeling.


Loving life. .x

"Oh cause blue skies are calling, but I know that it's hard"

I'm 18 in less than half an hour so here goes...
This year has been a little gem in a beautiful collection, yet the most challenging I have faced so far.
One thing I will say, learning and loving, I think these are the two things that we should never let slip our minds.


"Change" I know what I said before but I hope it hits me like gale force winds, You'll always own a place in my heart, I love you all dearly.


To the special ones. xxx

"She don't believe in shooting stars but she believes in shoes and cars"

Morning there :) It's Saturday, It's sunny and I have the weekend off work, oh good times. I woke up this morning craving for Kanye West in my ears, odd really. 

I really need to finish,  well actually start my art journal. I'm so incredibly stuck for inspiration and it's making me wonder am I really gunna be up for this university lark. I hate being told what to do especially when it's something I'm good at like art. Today I'm going to use my time wisely and devise a plan for this shitty journal or I'll go to town and spend more of my pay check. I know which one is higher in my priorities, unfortunately new shoes are my weak point, sorry!

I really want to do a car boot, looking at my wardrobe this morning makes me realise I have way to much stuff, like a ridiculous amount. Problem is I become far to attached to things not just material possessions but people too. Wait I have to interrupt and add my dad is currently singing to my dog? jokes on you pa. Anyway, yeah I wish I could put people on car boots, say "just take them away ,that will be, say what 5p?" I think it would do me some good to let go of certain individuals and make some new friends along the way, slight problem I'm horribly shy maybe to the point sometimes where it's rude, but I can't help it honestly. Apologies if you agree with me.

I inspired someone to start a blog, I must be doing some good with this thing, considering I've kept this a secret. .x

p.s. I like secret's, tell me one.  

oh and I add, On my birthday I will write a small blog, but I want the people who read this to tell me what to write about, I need some proof that people actually read this thing. So comment this post, thank you and enjoy your day, I know I will.

"It's always at 3am when I start missing you the most"

Oh we can so tell winters coming, all of our moods switch into this feeling of misery. Me for instance I have been in my room since 2 o'clock this afternoon and have only been downstairs for dinner, I've watched 4 films today and am still in this crappy mood. I don't want to be it's just this weather it changes all of us, makes us think about things we try to avoid or forget about when it's sunny, don't lie, I know a good majority of us are feeling like this right now.


I'm stuck in such a horrible rut, I need someone to make me happy, it's been a while.
I'm gunna stop with all this, it's my birthday next week, i'm 18, i'm invincible, well i'm sure I'll think I am with the alcohol inside of me. Plus tomorrow, it's pay day and my nanna's taking me shopping to buy me something special for the big 18. I'm also going to buy new shoes, yum and have my hair done. So I'll stop wallowing in self pity, I am good at this you know.

I want these cupcakes for my party, thank you :).x

"Dont know why I'm still afraid, If you weren't real I would make you up"

So it's a ridiculous hour in the morning and clearly from me posting a blog suggests I can not sleep one little bit.
Papa says "If you can't sleep there must be something on your mind,what's up?" Well to be honest my minds in a bit of a pickle at the moment, my thinking's just all over the place. Don't get me wrong I'm content just a tad confused.


Change, my most hated word from the Oxford English dictionary. Whether for better or for worse I still detest it. I don't seem to understand why I dislike it so much, maybe because I like simplicity and I like everything to be my way. So now this leads me on to telling my strange ways, the list is fairly lengthy so bare with me;
1. When sitting out anywhere like a restaurant or a cafe, I have to sit against the wall and it has to be in the corner. If this doesn't happen I begin to develop a temper.
2. Number one also applies to car, passenger seats; must always sit on the left hand side of the car.
3. My bed has to be made a certain way, only I can do this, this includes 5 pillows
4.When I do the washing up I always do it twice, everything must be clean
5. Checking to see if I've locked up correctly, I'll do this twice maybe three times
6.The door has to be shut behind me in which ever room I am in
7.Things not being put back into the correct places, winds me up like something chronic 
8. When I take tablets all the foil covering has to be removed when taking out the tablet
9. Plugs must be taken out of their sockets after I use them 
Urmm let's just say, maybe I might have a tiny form of ocd, I'm tired of routine and i'm tired of being tired. Someone please distract me
.x


p.s. I didn't actually sleep till gone 5 o'clock this morning, ergh

"A kiss makes the heart young again and wipes out the years."

I'm sleepy and generally tired of the same old.
Enrolled in my new course today and started to tally up my ucas points, well my mumma did, so all is swell. I'm struck for words today and I think I'm just writing for the hell of it so I won't bore you, I'll just have a better post up my sleeve tomorrow.


p.s. it's my birthday next week, flowers are my favourites, tulips to be precise. thanks :)

"Because things are the way they are, things will not stay the way they are. "

how do you say goodbye, when you know that will be your last goodbye?


I started my first post to this blog with this question, if you thought this was an odd thing to start with, the reasoning for it is a close family member of mine is slowly passing away. They've been staying with us for a good month or so now, my family's quite a tight little unit and it's been incredible to spend time together with them as they live in Australia. 


Tonight is going to be the hardest experience I have ever faced in my entire life, What do you say to someone who is about to leave? Not just leave the country but leave your life, leave this world. I don't think I will find the right words to say and bundles of tears will follow in this household tonight.


To have you here has been amazing, you really are a true inspiration and honest to god I will never forget you.
.x

"Fiction reveals truths that reality obscures"

I am asking nicely please, pretty please LEARN TO SPELL, thanks.

I'm going for a bike ride now, loving life .x

“To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.”

ohh, what can I write about now. 


well i've just found out that April 2011 i'll be making a visit to Australia for three beautiful weeks, yum. I love the concept of holidays and how they cleanse you and allow you to reflect on pieces of your life you just can't face at home. so i'll keep you posted with information about my trip. 


I've realised ever since having this blog, I actually adore writing whether I actually have a talent for it and people actually read this thing is another matter but hey ho. I'm not one for talking, I stumble and stutter a nerve thing, I don't know why I have it, mind you I'm pretty shy so this blog's been away for me to splurge all the words I can't ever tend to say.


sorry this wasn't very intriguing, fingers crossed you keep reading, enjoy your evenings :)  
p.s. someone please teach me to say no, oh dear.

"If it's not like the movies,that's how it should be"

This will be a pretty quick post as I'm going out for a family meal, which i'm looking forward to as i've been working all day and my stomach's just telling me it's a little hungry, anyway.

I work in paperchase, I absolutely adore my job. Sunday's are never busy so this means I gaze out the door and I people watch or just day dream the hours by. I can't help but notice every single girl wears; that classic denim shirt from primark, some top or another, jeggings and the primark daps, has a face full of make up and jet black hair. I feel bad for generalising but all you girls look the freaking same. I'm not exactly someone who sparkles when it comes to fashion I mean I like to follow the trends but If I like something I'll buy it and wear it, I wont think "shit, I don't fit in with everyone else". C'mon girls please get some originality please, I'm sick of you all merging into one.

don't fit in stand out!

I think i'll find something else to write about later, until then .x

"Can you get to the future if the past is present"

Hello there, I'm still loving on Katy Perry and life today, appreciating everything oh so very much. I have my family staying from Australia at the moment so I'm staying in the guest room as I offered them my bedroom and my double bed, single all the way for just a little while I hope.


One huge pet hate of mine is that I despise being taking as innocent, just because I'm not as ballsy as some other girls my age, so bloody what? I'm not a child and people thinking that it's simply okay to dust their feet on me as if I'm a doormat clearly need to re-think their actions. Yeah, I'm a sweetheart but don't ever think for one minute you can repetitively walk all over me, I'm certainly not a mug, thanks. To add something else betrayal is a real bitch, have a little think about that one.  


Life's actually pretty weird at the moment, I feel like everything is spinning out of my control possibly faster than I'd like. This sudden feeling of being older, wiser and having a better grasp on the way in which people and the world works. I think the best advice I can give to anyone is something my papa told me "You can't trust anyone but yourself and only yourself." You know what they say "The only guy a girl can ever trust is her daddy." I think this statements pretty true to be fair, I'd give the world to my papa, he's a huge influence into my day to day actions and I never give that man enough credit. 


This wasn't a rant I just felt like writing something with a little more meaning.


p.s. just notice me x
p.p.s. I need more followers and add comments, I need something to write for :) x

"Let's run away and don't ever look back, don't ever look back"

oh jeez, I just wish I was Katy Perry. 


I'm just trying to sort out my art journal today really lacking inspiration though which is pretty crappy so i'll continue to sing and love life, i'll probably write something more substantial later till then.


now every february you'll be my valentine .x

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

I've learnt today that life is an utter bitch, maybe I've always known this but not to this extent. So I didn't get what I wanted in my A-Levels even though i got what I needed yet I still didn't feel satisfied considering how much time and effort I put in.

Today's got my thinking that I don't need a piece of paper to justify my intelligence even though that's unfortunately the way this world works. There's got to be something more than that, good for you if you can realm of a dozen of dates from the greatest wars in history or tell me where Libya or Taiwan is on the map of the World but I believe an imagination is stronger than the facts. 

I think now after university, i want to travel the world this feeling will be far greater than any grade I will ever receive. 

p.s. congratulations to all those people that achieved the grades the wanted or needed :) x

"No one belongs here more than you"

the most beautiful city i've ever been to. x

"No one is as lucky as us"

This is the first time in a long time I have felt this content, for some reason or other I can't shift this smile off of my face but hey I'm not complaining.
I've been sat on the beach for a good couple of hours catching some rays and watching all the people that seem to have captured the same emotion as I feel right now.


I am happy and I'll continue to feel this way.
have a good day kiddo's!

“The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.”

I'd love for it to snow, right now

“Your heart is my piñata."

The saying goes; if you are given lemons make lemonade. It's been rainy all day and I genuinely have tried my hardest to make the most of my day,as I said I would but this village isn't really doing it for me and if I'm honest I think some of its boringness is starting to rub off.


I'll keep it short for now, go for a run, finish my book and maybe pay the sweet guy from the ice cream parlour a visit. 


adios amigos .x

"Better by far you should forget and smile, Than that you should remember and be sad"

how do you say goodbye, when you know that will be the last goodbye?

Today's just been one of those days when you reflect and you think deeply about things far too much than you should. I don't think it ever occurs to me,or anyone perhaps that everyone's time is just ticking away. Eye openers are the worst especially when they affect you in ways you don't even think are possible. 

I have to be fun and spontaneous, I have to start living every day like it's my last,I've gotta be an inspiration to someone

and my first blog is to you.