"Note to self"

I'm stronger than most of you put together, you have no idea.


.x

" In the making"

finally figuring what you want out of life is the best, but this isn't exactly fulfilled just yet.
I've finally made a conclusion on what university course I'm going to take and narrowed it down to just a couple of university's now.


I just can't stand decisions, I put my whole heart into something then part of me sways in the other direction making me changing my mind,. I find it so odd how one simple decision could just put everything in a different proportion. Is life based on fate or is it all just one big coincidence? I liked to think fate, but that's my optimism just kicking in. 


Slight change of thought, but anger is such a horrid emotion. Lately this feeling follows me like a shadow some days more than other yet it's just this constant feeling that snaps any minute.
.x

"If there is no struggle, there is no progress."

I've stopped with all my wallowing in self pity and I'm back on track again,life is just a little beautiful gem.
Basically I just can't stop dancing around my room to music that makes you feel invincible and all I can think about is Paris. My last few posts, including this one have been pretty pointless so I do apologise. I'll write something that's worth reading oh so soon.


.x

"Wait a minute"

changed my mind i'm so silly to mope around so i'll just say


fuck off ,to you instead.
ahhhh that's better, now where's the party at?
Oh and as soon as pay day comes next week, guess what? i'm treating myself to new shoes, because I freaking deserve them.


p.s. I need to get back into dancing or singing, I'm just becoming like the rest, boring. 

"The way it should be"

words aren't enough to even describe my feelings any more. I just feel like an easter egg, yeah I have this hard outer exterior, yet on the inside, there is nothing there any more. I'm just hollow.


I'm going to stop writing in this, my head hurts and this constant feeling of sick in the bottom of my stomach is starting to get to me.
So bed, tea and shitty films that I don't even want to watch is going to be the way forward for the next couple of weeks. 


I'm nothing more, than a line in your book. 

"I just hope that you miss me a little when i'm gone"

i wish you'd stop pushing away the people that care about you the most, shame you've lost one now.

I'm going to Paris in December, It will be beautiful, the gallery's, the shop windows, the food and drink, the architecture and the men. This trip is all that matters to me right now.

.x

“Nothing that is worth knowing can be taught."

Pretty sick of people pretending to be someone they're clearly not and this constant need people have to impress. Why, can't you just appreciate yourself for you as an individual and not crave this need to seek attention.
I'm always content when I'm 100% myself, to some extent we all make an effort I mean what would we live for?but it's just this attitude that life is one huge competition, it really isn't the only person you should ever seek to impress is yourself.


I'm starting to realise and you to maybe with my last couple of posts, that I need to think about myself for once. I care a ridiculous amount for others tending to put their feeling before my own, I've just grown tired of this because I never get back what I dish out. Mummy says "It's not about giving to receive" I know she's right, but if the feelings not mutual when caring, seriously what is the point? I haven't been put on this planet to get kicked to the curb I assure you.


So it's time to put me first for once, if you think it's selfish so be it, but you should know me well enough.
I've been given a huge puzzle and I'm just beginning to fit the pieces together. Things seem distant and blurry, but for once I like it.


I need to know people read this, actually comment on this when you've read it. Oh and I add everything always happens for a reason, just remember that
.x

"A change of heart"

Not really feeling a huge post just gunna say ceeeeeeeeeeb
Your main priority in life should be you, so it's  gunna be all about me, myself and I,  just the way it should be.


i really want a mac and a holiday and some new beautiful shoes. Don't tell me that was awful grammar, I already know
.x

"I can't tell you what it really is, I can only tell you what it feels like"

emptiness and a loss of hope. that is all.
x

"Sometimes I feel like Alice, in a wonderland chasing rabbits, cheshire cats and mad hatters, a better world well it don't really matter"

I went as alice in wonderland to a fancy dress party last night but if I'm honest I wasn't just playing dress up. I'm living in my own fantasy land at the moment, I can't seem to escape but then I don't really want to.
x

"Time it was and what a time it was"

I'm sick and tired not sure what of but I can feel it in the pit of my stomach. I feel like nothings keeping me going any more. It's the final week and everyone's leaving for university, makes me feel pretty empty and with the new college and all I've never felt so alone and out of my comfort zone in my life. 


Tonight's my friends leaving party, You know I hate goodbyes, I've already said this. I just keep looking back on all the good memories and replaying them in my head like a flip book. I'm tempted to make one of these if I'm honest. The covie girls have now grown up and we've gone our separate ways, but I'll always love you girls no matter how far apart or come what may. It makes me cringe when people say "I love my friends, they are my life" but the friendship us 10 girls hold I've never seen in anyone that use's this line of  utter cheddar.


I should get myself ready for more alcohol, frolics and fun oh and tears.
Today I have reminisced ridiculous amounts, I love my memories with you and even if you don't remember them, I don't mind :)
.x


cant be dealing with copy cats.

"I am here to stay"

It's strange and I'm pretty sure I've been watching 500 days of summer to much but how do you know when someone's the one, I'm probably far to young to even to question this, that never stops me though.I believe everything is far to good to be true.

Everyone seems to have a commitment within a relationship these days, how many of these last and what happens when you eventually meet the dilemma of marriage? Most parents I know are separated and there is always tension in my house, with petty fights. So how do you know, seriously? Don't just give me the answer "you just know" that's crap, you don't.

Yet the one thing I do know is that, still after all this time you are everything to me.x

My parents treat me like a puppet, if you read this let me know please

"You can't deny, you want that happy ending."

money is on my mind, I've got birthday money to spend and a lot of it, but I don't want to blow it on clothes or pointless things for my bedroom. I wanna make good use with it.I'm tempted like really tempted to take a trip to Ireland, it looks beautiful and the accent is a weak spot for me. or I wanna keep saving and buy myself a tiny studio for my art, I really need a space of my own, somewhere where I can be myself like 100%. This needs more thought than my first option.  

tell me what to do please, I need to wear my glasses more,I have a terrible headache.

.x

"All is quiet, all is quiet now"

Things feel complicated. I don't like today. There's a tense feeling in the house, no words have been uttered this morning. I know summers ended, I know my friends are leaving for university, friendships are no longer kept. "Why do all good things come to end?"


I hate hugs, but I want one right now. Tell me everything's going to be fine.
I'm a little lost.
.x

"If were both not married by 23, will you make my year and ask me"

my first legal night out was crap I've got to say it but I'm going to Bristol in an hour for the night so all is well.
This is a really short post because I'm not packed and I'm quickly running out of time, but life is beautiful I'm a happy bunny. I'll write something on Sunday when I'm hanging in bed :).x


p.s. I'm glad you're back in my life, this time please stay. x

"A man paints with his brain, not with his hands"

I'm pissed, with myself really. I gave up the one thing that meant the most to me? I must start singing again wasting 7 years isn't really worth it. I don't really wanna give up on anything, it's a feeling of failure and no one wants to fail. I've finally pushed myself to start my art journal. I got to add I hate sketchbooks, I'd rather use my creativity to make something odd and unique. My next project is making four leaf clovers seeing as there impossible to find I'll make em instead. We all need a bit of luck from time to time.
The little things are everything to me.

I made that and it's all from food 
I want to be noticed. :)
.x

"it takes somebody special to knock me off my feet and baby you've got what it takes"

Yesterday was beautiful, I simply can't stress that any more. I am beyond content at the moment and I don't think anyone will ruin this feeling.


Loving life. .x